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A Consideration of Under the Table Kicking

As many of us eat in restaurants after Sunday morning worship, I have a piece of advice for ladies who will dine with gentlemen today.  Taken from The Alice in Wonderland Cookbook and Lewis Carroll’s Guide to Dining Etiquette are these words:

As a general rule, do not kick the shins of the opposite gentleman under the table, if personally unacquainted with him; your pleasantry is liable to be misunderstood – a circumstance at all times unpleasant.

As written, these instructions seem to leave us with the option of kicking the shins of the opposite gentleman under the table if we are personally acquainted with him. However, in considering this, I strongly feel led to suggest you entirely leave off the dining room kicking maneuvers.

Have a blessed Sunday. Rejoice. Smile. Be happy.

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New post on God Things here.

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Alice in Wonderland and President Obama, Recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize

The book called Alice in Wonderland was thought by some to be so strange, that in China in 1931 the book was banned. and1book22jpg30The Governor of Hunan Province made such a declaration on the grounds that “animals should not use human language” and that it was “disastrous to put animals and human beings on the same level.”

This present world is so strange, that some days I wake up and think I must be deep underground, having curiously slipped down a rabbit hole: Absolutely mad people–hatters and otherwise–are running about. The earth is amuck.

President Barack Hussein Obama has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. What? Say that again. Surely, surely you jest.

Alice
I wonder if I’ve been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I’m not the same, the next question is ‘Who in the world am I?’ Ah, that’s the great puzzle!

The Cat
We’re all mad here.

The Duchess
Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of themselves.

The Mock Turtle
Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with, and then the different branches of arithmetic — Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.

The Mock Turtle
Well, I never heard it before, but it sounds uncommon nonsense.

Alice
I don’t believe there’s an atom of meaning in it.

The Queen
Sentence first — verdict afterwards.

Alice
You’re nothing but a pack of cards!

Alice
I think I should understand that better, if I had it written down: but I can’t quite follow it as you say it.

The Duchess
That’s nothing to what I could say if I chose.

The Queen
Now, I give you fair warning, either you or your head must be off, and that in about half no time! Take your choice!

Alice
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn’t be. And what it wouldn’t be, it would. You see?

Alice
It would be so nice if something made sense for a change.