As I Lie Dying

Because of daily word of her tenuous grip on life, and the hearing of warm remarks from around the world concerning our dear Nona Freeman, I have spent a fair amount of time in the last few days considering my own death bed. I have deliberated long, and such reflection has given me a tighter grip on reality. Oh, not the reality of this steel and mortar which surrounds me, nor the dirt on which I stand, nor the constant scroll of  sky which shields my troubled head. No, I muse these long moments on authentic reality–that of the soul, of eternity–incomprehensible eternity–, and of God..of whom I live in awe, and before whom I stand in abysmal unworthiness when I even utter His name, or acknowledge His existence.

So, as I lie dying, I hope those who huddle about my bed will speak of God, and that I loved Him, and that I loved people, and that as pitiful and inconsequential were my efforts, I did expend my life in loving God and in sharing the Word of His Being. As I lie dying, I hope someone mutters that once I thrust a crumb of bread into her waiting hand, that one evening I mouthed a heartening word, that one hot afternoon I placed my hand on a weary shoulder and that one dark day I pressed a coin into an empty pocket. As I lie dying, I hope those who shiver by my bed will be secure when thinking of my destination, and that the Almighty Presence of God fills the room; that Scripture is spoken, and that hymns of the church are sung.

As I lie dying may there be little joy in those few trinkets I will leave behind; rather triumphant rapture at the thought of the Joy that I will soon, then, apprehend.

(Please. This post is not intended to gather positive comments concerning me. Rather I hope it will serve as a touchstone, urging each of us to examine our true reality. And I do want to hear from you in this vein, any thoughts you are willing to share.)

19 thoughts on “As I Lie Dying

  1. Prston Garrett

    Sister Freeman;was a blessing to my life,I had the honor of meeting her at the living Word church in Greenville,Tx.Although I am a man her book [ MISTY;S DARK LITTLE SECRET on child abuse,has helped me greatly.It is fitting that she went to be with King Jesus one day after CHRISTmas,two days after my birthday,my wife Olivia,andI can’t wait to see her again…

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  2. “As I lie dying…..” Your life inspires me, Shirley Buxton, as did Nona Freeman’s life.
    Even in her death, she continues to inspire me, to make me THINK. What will be my substance as I lie dying….what will be awaiting me….will I have rewards awaiting me suitable for a Christian who supposedly did all she could do for the Kingdom….??
    Sometimes it’s difficult for me know just how HARD I should be working, since my body just isn’t cooperating as it used to. It gets so tired at times and I realize one of the worst things I could do is COMPARE myself to Nona Freeman. Still…. We must work while it is day for the night is coming—! But Lord Jesus, help me to be balanced in all of this. The strongest desire of my heart is to hear those precious words: “Well done….enter in…..”

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  3. Karen Brown

    I am so saddened to hear of the passing of our dear Sister Freeman. She will be missed, but not forgotten as she has left her mark on us thru her preaching, writings, prayer, etc. Surely this scripture is for those she left behind:

    Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. Ps. 116:15.

    May God truly bless and strengthen the family in this time.

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  4. Rebecca

    My dearest mother, my whole being trembles and fills with dread at the slightest thought of your death. I can’t bear it. My brain won’t allow the connection to make the circuit….Sad, lost, bleak. That is the physical side, the canal bent, the child side, the selfish part, my eyes flowing, even to type the words.

    We are born with purpose; to tell the world that “Jesus is The Saviour.” That our lights will shine among men. That we have fought the good fight, that we have finished our course, that we have kept the faith. You my dear mother are a shining beacon. A blazing example.

    As you lie dying, it will be all this. A raw, Great sadness, triumphant joy mingled as His angels, Gods angels gently carry you to where we all long to be. The home that He prepared for those who love Him.

    Still the thought…

    Rebecca, how dear and precious you are; how wise and loyal.

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  5. Nita

    I have often thought on this subject. Will my children remember me as “true blue”? Will I have passed onto them deep roots of this wonderful Jesus Name truth. Will they be able to say my love for God was great? Am I making the most of every door that is opened to tell others of the wonderful life that Jesus means for us to have. This is all so thought provoking. Thanks for this post. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and all of your family. Love, Nita

    Nita, hope these holidays are blessed of God for you and your family. Would love to see you.

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  6. Your words were those of time, thought and effort. I can grasp that for a mortal to try and grasp the time of departing is, I will quote the title of the first computer book I remember. “It is like nailing jello to a tree.” I have spent an amount of time myself with Bible, table, thoughts of departed friends and family how will spend my last hours in this thing called flesh. How will I prepaid to step across the threshold into the unknown which we call time without end. How many people have I helped in this struggle called life? Or, how many did I hinder? How will my children and their children remember me? One question begets a second which begets four. I am so sorry for the emptiness which the Sis Freeman’s move has left in her children!

    Marry Christmas to all:
    Mervi

    Thank you, Mervi, for being here and for your comments. A merry Christmas to you and your sweet wife.

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  7. Linda (LAS)

    You write so beautifully. You put into words exactly how I feel. If we live on this earth for 80 or more years it really is just a short amount of time. The things we collect here are really not treasures. What we do for the Lord here is our hidden treasure.

    It is so exciting to think about crossing to the other side if we know without a doubt we are ready to go. We never know when our time is. I rejoice with Nona and thank you for your post.

    Thank you for the compliment, Linda. Hope your Christmas is wonderfully blessed.

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  8. Katrina, just copy and paste…as I did from someone…have no idea whom. I changed the words a bit, just typed in what I want.

    ♫♫ ♪♫•*Oh, Katrina, the circumstances might be frightful, ♪♫•*¨* but with Jesus all things are delighful, ♫•*¨* I’m glad He’s in control, ♪♫•*¨* Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!!! ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥

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  9. Paula

    Sis Buxton,

    That was beautiful and so true! I want my life to count when I am gone! That is what we are striving to do! You and your husband have truly been a vessel of honor to God’s Kingdom over the years! Thank you for all your hard labor..it will be worth it all someday! 🙂

    Love you,
    Paula & Mike Luke

    Paula, thank you so much, and like you, I do want my life to count. We’ve been at it for quite a while now, have we not? (I more than you, of course.:) )Greet your husband, and I hope your Christmas is blessed and bountiful. Love you all so much.

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  10. That sentence, Helen, my friend, is THE one for which my ear and soul long to hear.

    Have a wonderful Christmas. ♫♫ ♪♫•*Oh the circumstances might be frightful, ♪♫•*¨* but with Jesus all things are delighful, ♫•*¨* I’m glad He’s in control, ♪♫•*¨* Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!!! ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥

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  11. A merry Christmas to you, also, Brother Wilder. I believe as we grow older, it is far easier to comprehend that our ultimate goal in life is merely one. All else circles about that one.

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  12. Thank you for being here and for commenting, Jean. Yes, it is a sobering thought–perhaps too much so for this season, I’m not sure. I join with you in wanting my life to reflect Jesus. How beautiful we are when, perhaps just for a moment, that happens. Love you and wish you a beautiful Christmas.

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  13. Jean Walter

    I have wondered at times…who might attend my funeral…and what might be said about me then. It is a sobering thought. I pray that I have encouraged someone along the way and my life reflects Jesus! We will spend eternity somewhere!

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