Jerry has not been as fortunate as I for he has never been selected, while over recent years, my name has come up numerous times. At first I ignored these million dollar offers and news of unclaimed fortunes to which, with sterling clarity, I was noted to be the beneficiary. Repeatedly, I was said to be the next of kin to an astounding number of persons who have either been killed in grievous plane crash or by some other wretched accident. Finally, I am convinced. Many of my relatives–formerly unknown to me–have in an inopportune way died in foreign countries, and I, the next of kin, am set to inherit multiple fortunes.
The latest notification of another fortune came this morning, and with unexceeded rapidity of movement, I tapped out my acceptance of the proposal. Made a couple of minor changes in the details, particularly as regards the handling of the cash, but I am certain I will be able to cut this deal, and such a slight alteration should in no way hinder the consummation of such a striking business transaction.
It’s early in the morning as I write this–still pitch dark in Lake Havasu–and as I worked through these business dealings, a spirit of compassion swept into this motor home and flooded my already soft heart, and it came to me that I should share the news of my good fortune with you. Given the generous nature with which I am endowed, I have concluded that I should not only share the story of these fortunes I am about to inherit, but that I should give much of the money to you, the readers of my blog!
I want to hear from any of you who need (or just want) money. You altruist ones will probably plan to build church buildings, or set up foundations for the needy, or trust funds for widows and orphans. Some of you may admit to needing a new toy–a boat or motorcycle or a practical Rhino. Some may be looking for seed money to start the business you’ve always longed to establish. One of you may dream of spending a year cruising on the QE II. (I might be persuaded to join you. Just tell me when you’re leaving.) Whatever it is, let me know and I will make the decision about who receives the money, and in what amounts. Don’t worry about asking for too much, for I believe I am on a roll, and scores of millions of dollars are about to be mine–maybe billions.
Wanting to allay any skepticism that might try to wedge into your fine brains, I have included here the exact notification I received this morning, and one from a previous time. I’ve also set out my excellent, timely and brilliant response.
This one I received earlier:
I KNOW THAT THIS MESSAGE WILL COME TO YOU AS A SURPRISE. I AM THE BILL AND EXCHANGE MANAGER IN BANK OF AFRICA (BOA), OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA FASO. I HOPED THAT YOU WILL NOT EXPOSE OR BETRAY THIS TRUST AND CONFIDENT THAT I AM ABOUT TO REPOSE ON YOU FOR THE MUTUAL BENEFIT OF OUR FAMILIES.
I NEED YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE IN TRANSFERRING THE SUM OF (USD$25) MILLION TO YOUR ACCOUNT WITHIN 10 TO 14 BANKING DAYS. THIS MONEY HAS BEEN DORMANT FOR YEARS IN OUR BANK WITHOUT CLAIM. I WANT THE BANK TO RELEASE THE MONEY TO YOU AS THE NEAREST PERSON TO OUR DECEASED CUSTOMER (THE OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT) DIED ALONG WITH HIS SUPPOSED NEXT OF KIN IN AN AIR CRASH SINCE JULY, 2000.
I DON’T WANT THE MONEY TO GO INTO OUR BANK TREASURER ACCOUNT AS AN ABANDONED FUND. SO THIS IS THE REASON WHY I CONTACTED YOU SO THAT THE BANK CAN RELEASE THE MONEY TO YOU AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO THE DECEASED CUSTOMER. PLEASE I WOULD LIKE YOU TO KEEP THIS PROPOSAL AS A TOP SECRET AND DELETE IT IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED.
UPON RECEIPT OF YOUR REPLY, I WILL GIVE YOU FULL DETAILS ON HOW THE BUSINESS WILL BE EXECUTED AND ALSO NOTE THAT YOU WILL HAVE 30% OF THE ABOVE MENTIONED SUM IF YOU AGREE TO HANDLE THIS BUSINESS WITH ME? AND 10% WILL BE SET ASIDE FOR ANY EXPENSES THAT WARRANT ON THE PROCESS BEFORE THE FUND GET INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT SUCH AS TELEPHONE CALLS BILLS (ETC).
MR YUSUF MUSA.
And this is the one that popped onto my screen this morning, along with my response.
This is wishing you a wonderful day.
My name is MR. song, director of Foreign operations of (Hong
Kong’s)bigest banks I want to seek your candid collaboration in handling a business venture that I feel it would be of mutual benefit to you and I.
May I ask your permission to present you as a Beneficiary to this fund, worth over seventy Million,The Previous Audit reports shows that the fund has been there for the past five years.unclaimed. I am offering you this opportunity, believing that you will be capable of keeping the fund in safe custody when it hits your bank account, and you Will
hand over my share of 70% on demand and keep 30% to yourself .
if you are willing to make this deal with me, contact me with this my secured email: email@example.com
Mr. Song Ya.
Mr. Song Ya:
Perhaps you have forgotten, but when you contacted me before, I said,
yes, I wanted to be involved in the money deal. Just bring the cash by
my house. On the spot I will peel off your share of 70% and keep the
30% myself. If you’re not here in the US, please hire someone to make
the delivery. I’m willing to pay them a little bit, as I’m positive
you are also. You should have no trouble finding my address.
I’ll be waiting to hear from you. This is coming at a good time for
me, as I’m a little short on cash right now. Christmas coming up and
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