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A Hole in My Heart

A Hole in My Heart, originally uploaded by Shirley Buxton.

I have a gapping, yaw of a hole in my heart. I believe the rip may have torn past the edges of my beating organ, actually penetrating my very soul. Tanya is dead.

I have written about Tanya before, but until now, I did not identify her, merely giving her a pseudonym. Her name, though, is Tanya. Tanya Scott, the wife of Glenn, the mother of 15-year-old Shelby. Yesterday, here in Lake Havasu, she was killed.

My grief is barely containable, for our lives during these past few weeks, as Jerry and I ministered to this precious beautiful family, have been intricately knitted. On our first meeting, I loved Tanya. I looked into her liquid brown eyes as we were introduced, my soul made a unique connection to hers, and I determined at that moment to do all in my power to be her friend, and to lead her to a deep relationship with Jesus.

Only days before we met, she had been released from the hospital, having been very sick. “Mr. Scott, we’ve saved her this time, but there will come a day when we can do no more for her,” the doctor warned Glenn.

Now she is gone. Slipped right through our fingers, dead, her life finished, her chances wasted, her roulette spin having shot her off into darkness and finality.

I am devastated, I tell you, and can hardly bear the thought. Questions abound.

“Should we have done more?”

“What?”

“How?”

“When?”

Sometime this afternoon, we will go to a house where the extended family have gathered. Grown children have flown in from Oregon, and Jerry and I will speak with them, and cry together, and we will pray.

Pray, please pray for all of us. You see, our broken hearts are leaking, and our soul-screams must be deafening.

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My devotional blog is here.

By Shirley Buxton

Still full of life and ready to be on the move, Shirley at 81 years old feels blessed to have lots of energy and to be full of optimism. She was married to Jerry for 64 years, and grieves yet at his death in August of 2019. They have 4 children, 13 grandchildren and 11 great-grandchildren...all beautiful and highly intelligent--of course. :)

15 replies on “A Hole in My Heart”

It’s been many years and many miles since I last saw Tanya and Glenn. We were all such close friends when we were young. They weren’t even married yet. We were like sisters. She and Glenn were in my wedding. I just learned of Tanya’s passing today – almost 3 years later and I’m sadder than I have words to express. I’m so grateful to you Mrs Buxton and to your husband for taking such good care of Tanya and her family. She loved them so. She was in love with Glenn from the moment she laid eyes on him when we were all just kids. He loved her back with the same fierceness and they had a beautiful family. Funny to feel such loss for a friend I hadn’t seen in so many years. I guess love really doesn’t see years or distance, it just goes on.

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I would like to let everyone that knew Tonya or are praying for her family to know what a truely wonderful family she has. I was introduced to Tonya and her family many years ago by her brother Troy. The first time I met Sue and Bill their parents I felt like family. They all have the biggest hearts with a true sincere love for life and friends. Tonyas brothers Tim and Tysen are just as awesome. This family was raised with the old fashion family values. They will always be there for each other, value your friends for life, and love unconditionally. Tonya and Glenn have always been a true insperation to me. The love they share does not come around everyday. During the tuff times they became tuffer. I remember when I was young watching Glenn and Tonya dancing. There love was so intense you could see it. I made a wish that someday I would know a love like that. We all have lots and lots of great memories of really good times. Tonya and her bright smile with a twinkle in her eye, she had her kids and Glenn at her side….we knew it was time to have some fun. Tonya has a soul larger than life I know a part of her will live on in each of us. She would want us to remember that as well as all the good times. Tonya you are loved more than words can say! You will be missed oh so much, Thank you for your friendship and sharing your life with all of us. You will never be forgotten.

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Sis. Buxton, I’ve been on vacation and out of the blog scene for awhile, so this is the first time seeing your blog in a little while. I’m so deeply sorry for this horrible loss of a precious life. What better hands could this family be in, than in the hands of a godly couple like you and Brother Buxton, who, with the Lord’s help, can be a comfort and support to them in their time of grief and sorrow. May the Lord apply the Balm of Gilead to all of your hurting hearts, and may some good come out of this tragedy. You are all in my sincere thoughts and prayers. Love, Karen

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My dear friend,

I am so sorry for your pain of loss. You and your husband will remain in my prayers. I have no doubt that God will give you peace, along with wisdom to minister to this hurting family and your remaining congregation.

I love you…

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Hi Sister Buxton,

I’ve been out of town for a while and away from the blogworld. I am so sorry to hear of this loss. Please know that you and Brother Buxton and the family of Tanya will be in our prayers.

Love,
Carol

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